I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
