Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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