first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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