There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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