You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
