Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
