I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
