Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
