he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
