Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
