I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
