I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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