and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I AM VODKA MAN
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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