I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
send nudes
from the living room?
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