If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
