I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
