dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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