She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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