it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
