sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
