i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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