That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
