hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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