saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
