fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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