oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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