I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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