I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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