The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my liver is dry heaving
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