I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
