I am in a vortex of obligation.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
