just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
