I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
