i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
