ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
