maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
