My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
