So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
