she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
