would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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