But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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