if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
