Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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