i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
