And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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