Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
