That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
