we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
