I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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