I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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