dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
