I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
