everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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